I first started struggling with some anxiety about a year and a half ago. Two of the worst anxiety attacks happened while driving my brother from the airport and driving back from work last Thanksgiving.
My mom was scheduled for a small but still invasive procedure and had been postponing it for a while. I was on break from teaching and working for black Friday weekend at a local outlet.
On both occasions the symptoms were the same. I started to feel like I was having trouble breathing and concentrating. I had no idea what brought this on. I wasn't thinking of anything in particular.
The 20 minute drive from work seemed endless but I couldn't stop. I just wanted to get home.
The drive with my brother was harder. I had to pull out of the freeway and get out of the car to walk a bit. I was embarrassed. Up until then I had not shared with anyone that this was happening.
Then this week it happened again while I was driving home from work. It hit me so fast and I tried pulling over but couldn't find a safe spot. Nothing felt safe at that moment. I called a friend who shares in this struggle. Talking and praying helped.
Part of me wants to play it off but another part feels some fear that it could get worse. I wonder the age old question of why? I am sure there are many factors but I don't want to think about them right now. I almost see it as the last symptom in the battle with myself.
Anxiety Sucks
Depression Sucks
Phobias Suck
Depression Sucks
Phobias Suck
But I am not going to live in fear more than I can help. I am always learning how to help myself in these areas. I have to be more aware more observant and more careful.
I can't always overcome these moments the way I would hope, but I can choose to not let them define me so I pray. Lord grant me peace and strength and wisdom and allow me to feel grace during these moments.
