Over thinking and analysing whatever you want to call it, it's draining. It's draining to think of all that was, is, and can be, especially when done insesantly about everything.
That's why, I think "being" is a gift. To come into being and an understanding of being it's our heart's desire. More people than I can attest to have tried to capture the idea of being, what it means to be and they have tried as I am, to explain it in writing and pass it down from generation to generation. The idea of being is the central theme in books, philosophy, history and in all of us.
But, what does it mean to be or to come into being? We see it in stories of people who are on a search of self awareness and in movies, and you tube channels. Really it is playing out in all the channels of life that are trying to say something about this whole being.
Why?
Because we are wired to ask who am I, why am I here, what is my purpose, where am I going, and how do I get there? We all ask these questions directly and indirectly and in so many words or no words. We go back and forth from epiphany to epiphany as we come into being.
Thomas Merton wrote about it. In fact his thought process of this concept is what ultimately led him to find truth. It led him to know God and desire to serve him and it freed him to be perfectly himself. He made mistakes, but we all have, and for me they don't detract from the gift of his writing, especially his early writing. It is a gift to the spiritual journey of man.
My own experience of being has led me to this decision. For me to come into being and be present so that I can move from the past, taking what I've learned, and move towards the future in full trust of our Lord, I have to let this blog go.
The present is my fixed point and only if I can face it with boldness and courage can I keep moving forward. Because the past couple of weeks, even though my heart has been hurting, I've been living. I've disconnected from things I loved or hid behind. I don't know who I am without these things, but I am enjoying finding out. I am enjoying not running from the pain that comes from acceptance. I miss him so much, but I miss myself more.
Being is a gift, knowing who I am in God is all I want. To learn to love myself and see myself as he does is all I want because thats what's going to let me love others how he desires. I can't keep going back to what has hurt me and made me doubt my identity.
I am precious, a precious daughter, so beloved by my Father. I want him to heal me, all of me, I want him to make me well. To keep being, I have to stop living in the past hopes I once had.
I am worthy of love and of being considered and not ignored. Never again do I want to forget my identity.
This is my last post here. When I come back, it'll be different. My words and the words of others I post will brew hope, enduring and everlasting hope, that comes from living life to the fullest.
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