Tired

Today I feel tired
My dreams plaguing me
Reminding me of the trust lost
Why
Pridefulness
How do you come back
from the past?
How do you make amends?
I feel a trauma in my heart
Heartfelt anxiety
Am I destined to fail?

I am getting up
I am forcing myself to keep going
I am going to you first
because going to others
doesn't work

Lord Help Me.

Anger

I was terminated last Wednesday. Terminated, what kind of word is that. It makes me feel disposable. I wasn't even worthy of a warning. I worked for a church, which only make the hurt and anger worse. How is it that we can treat each other like, like the work and effort were for nothing. I know its not true but that is how it feels. Yet can I blame them. Was my attitude 100 conforming to the expectations? Expectations that led to this false sense of community. I put my people first and I don't regret it, but I do regret my pridefullness not responding how I should have with more respect. I myself didnt feel respected and it takes a bigger person than me to respond that way. I am not the bigger person, but I want to be and I know God can help me I cant see how right now but I know He can. I am devestated but I try not to be or pretend I am not I am.

Heavy

Everything feels heavy
My heart
My head
I just want to disappear
I want it all to stop
I want to not feel sad over nothing
God has present all day
But tonight it doesn't feel real
None of what should feel real feels re
I just want to dissapear

Sad always sad

How do I feel tonight?

Tonight I cant stop crying. Why? I have no real reason. I have people that love me that love me so much. But I don't feel good. I feel like nothing like no one. This is why not even the convent will take me. Its proof that none will ever want to take me. These moments of unexplainable sadness. Sadness over people who have chosen to not be my friends who have chosen to cut me out consciously or not. But it's not just that. That's the surface and I cant get deeper than that. I am drowning in myself. And there's noone to help. God I am so sorry for being this person.

Sadness and Sorrow

Sadness envelopes moments out of nowhere
The kind of self-pitying sadness you talked out against
You're right
So help me to grow
Help me be strong
To speak hope into the days that carry so much weight
To know that my worth is more than people who reject me
Who don't even know me , who never knew me, who so easily let me go
Because the truth is that sorrow for the loss of them in my life can be surpassed
Or maybe not
Maybe my mind will win and my will will die