To Fall Asleep

So, I've been working super long days.
I love what I do.
But there are growing pains and real pains.
I am learning to balance having to be personally in touch with many people and making sure I remember to add everything to my calendar, but I make mistakes.
And it's hard when my mistakes make someone feel disrespected or unappreciated.
And saying I may be juggling too many things on my own is not a valid excuse but it's the truth. That's how it is right now.

I need volunteers but they're very slow in coming.
I am trying to be patient with myself, be responsible but not so hard on myself.
I'm not succeeding.
So tonight it hurts.

I love what I get to do.
Every part of it even this learning curve is precious.

But I don't feel good physically.
I can't always show my joy because my body hurts.
It can get better but it requires some real serious life changes and I feel like I am all alone in that.
I pray for the strength to be disciplined with my food but it's been so hard and now the daily aches and inflammation are overwhelming.
Right now my body needs more rest than usual but there is so much work to do.

I am sad over other life things that are out of my control.
I miss friends who aren't really around anymore.
That hurts so much.

But even though I feel lonely, I am not alone.
Even though I feel like such a bother and failure the truth is I am not.
I believe so many lies about myself.
I don't know when I'll stop.
I just know I need all of this out of my head to sleep tonight.