Normally I am not a fan of long titles but there it is:
Taking a chance means that you stop wondering if something is possible and you go for it, because the idea that you don't weighs you down more than if you did. I have taken many a chance in my life and I have become a stronger person because of that even when it has caused me pain.
But I no longer have any regrets. Taking chances means I get answers, although sometimes they are not the answers I want, they are answers none the less. I am more at peace with those answers than having always to wonder what if.
Ask people. I may not seem like it but I am a risk taker. Sometimes they are small risks that only I am aware of and sometimes huge ones like moving to Arizona. Here is how I have been feeling about this risk I took almost 8 months ago.
This past Saturday I got hit by a huge wave of homesickness as I was coming back from the store and getting dinner ready for friends. I tried hard to control my emotions because well who wants to greet their friends with snot on their nose and puffy red eyes?
I was distraught. But, I couldn't stop that wave of emotions coming at me. I felt the strong desire to see my family to get a beer with my friends at one of the local Redlands brewery. In that moment of emotional distress two thoughts came into my head; "why did I come here?" and "why don't I go home?"
You see moving this far from my family and friends has been difficult. What made it difficult were the reasons why I did not move.
People often move because they want to get away from something, but I didn't leave California because life was hard, quite the opposite. There were many great things in the horizon:
- I had a savings which was growing and with which I was getting ready to use to purchase a home this year in Yucaipa, Mentone, or Redlands.
- I had a well paying job and I was going to be teaching the older middle school students, many of whom I had the past year. Not to mention, I was going to be working with a solid team of teachers (although in all fairness I had grown disillusioned with public school education).
- I was actively involved in my parish youth ministry program and was super excited to be starting another year of ministry with my team, whom I love very much.
- I had(have) amazing friends there and my family was close by and even willing to take me in as I resettled after moving out of my apartment.
But when I visited one of my dearest friends in Arizona and we went hiking in Sedona my heart yearned for the peace I found there. Out in the middle of such an amazing landscape my heart refocused on God and new passions started to stir in my whole being. I was saddened at having to turn away from the red dirt formations and finding myself having to head back to my previous life. All the while there was a sense that I was where I needed to be.
My soul only received more confirmation during mass and dinner that Sunday after the hike, when for the first time in many years I was together with two people that I have known for a long while. As we shared about life, and my friend talked about Arizona something about what she shared sounded so appealing to me.
It drew me into a whirlwind of thoughts. I had already been contemplating leaving my teaching profession to go back to work in ministry full time or at least teach at a Catholic School, so why not do it somewhere other than California, why not a different state?
All I can say is that the drive back to my friend's place was life changing. I sat there as we drove down the freeway and I contemplated the thought of moving to Arizona. In retrospect it was a thought that had briefly crossed my mind two years before during my first visit, but which had quickly dissipated, but now it seemed like a close reality. I knew then and there I could take my savings and move, maybe not right away but I could do it. The thought took my breath away.
That night before going to sleep I started researching for openings in the diocese of Phoenix and surrounding Catholic schools. I found three positions and printed out their information ready to drive back to California the next morning.
When I decided that I was going to leave my district, I started the process of looking for temporary jobs. In being faithful to the desire God has instilled in my heart I applied to those positions in Arizona and within 3 weeks I was getting ready to move again.
I left everything. And although it was not easy, I encountered peace as I followed God's call. As I drove that hot August day through the long 10 freeway and arrived to Arizona (stopping to take a picture of the "Welcome to Arizona" sign) I knew I was where I needed to be.
This dessert has become my Oasis. I often think "I needed to come to the dessert to find my oasis." I have no distractions here from perusing the will of God and it keeps me accountable because I cannot blame anyone when I do not follow His will. I have come to realize how much more God wants my heart. Not only that, but I have come to know and love myself more because I have had to rely on His friendship above all else.
Recently I went into a lapse in my depression but I have sought help and I am moving forward. I am choosing to live abundantly and take from every moment the rest and the adventure that they offer and I am loving people near and far in different ways.
So I was homesick, and I may continue to feel that wave of homesickness for a bit longer, but I also know that I am home.
I took a chance and I am a better person for it and being here I am not done taking chances and I know that what is to come may not be what I expect but I know it will be a beautiful and grand adventure.
Is God asking you to take a chance, to risk for sake of following His call?
