Ruffles

 Russell, 

I love you and have for a long time, but that is something I could never tell you. I may have had feelings for one or two other gentlemen but really how much of that was co-dependency and how much of it wasn't is hard for me to tell. But you, well you I have grown to appreciate despite how different we are from each other. I have often felt I am not smart enough and I think I have lived out of so many insecurities in our friendship, which is why we find ourselves in this place right now. 

I will never be able to say how sorry I am for the hurt I have caused you. But I am and I do think that is all I can say. Your card on my birthday broke my heart but I was so grateful to have you at my side. Your arms around my shoulders being able to lean into your heart, it is my favorite place to be. I can never tell you this, I can never tell anyone this.